If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
