In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
not ubering you a puppy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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