you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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