she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
