Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
