I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
