I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
