I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
