If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
