Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
