You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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