Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
