i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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