Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
