This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
