I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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