I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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