I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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