I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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