You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
