She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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