you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
