We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
