If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
