Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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