how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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