Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
