Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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