out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
