porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
