I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
