His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
