im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
