That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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