I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
