you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
