a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do herpes really smell.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
