things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I AM VODKA MAN
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You did what with his pubic hair?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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