The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
