feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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