I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
