I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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