It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
