You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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