She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Still dying that you shit outside
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
