That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's get the cat blown out
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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