shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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