I wish I only lived at night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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