My friends, they love my intelligence
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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