her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
