I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
