Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
