omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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