im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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