Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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